What's Up With Dress Codes?

I thought I was going to write another back-to-school essay about the start of this school year. I was going to praise the new supplies, the shiny floors, the fresh faces, and my anticipation of another group of students. But then the week started, and I didn't make make it to the page to write. Now things have shifted. 

Kiara started middle school on Monday. This could be a whole post, but I've been processing it for over a year in therapy, so I'm good. 

I thought of her all day, and after school, I raced to pick her up. She had a great first day. She had friends in her classes. She felt comfortable on campus, and even though her lunch got stepped on and still hadn't gotten a locker, she was happy.

As we drove to pick up her brother at her old elementary school, however, she made a confession. "I was out of dress code today." 

I looked over at her denim skirt and olive green t-shirt with the words, "Open Heart, Open Mind" above where a pocket might have been. She did not look like she was out of dress code. My girl follows rules and doesn't like to get in trouble. But, according to the sixth grade orientation, and the staff member who advised her at lunch: her jean skirt was too short, hanging a FULL INCH above her fingertips when her hands hung unnaturally at her sides. 

"So, what do I wear tomorrow?" she asked, visibly concerned. 

For her first six years of school, Kiara has worn shorts, skirts, or leggings. Her elementary school didn't care how long or short, how baggy or tight. But now, as she enters the hormone-charged space that is middle school, with all of these rapidly changing adolescent bodies sharing space, suddenly how much of her legs, her stomach, or her shoulders is showing has become an issue. 

We picked up Gabe and continued to consider what Kiara might wear. Gabe grew instantly concerned in the back seat. "What will they say about what I wear when I go there?"

"You'll be fine." I quipped. "Your t-shirt and shorts aren't going to bother anyone."

And that should be my daughters' experience as well. Kiara, and all of our students should be able to wear what they feel comfortable wearing to school. They shouldn't be worried about what school staff will say about their clothes or bodies.

I haven't always been on track with this. Years of teaching middle school and hearing girls question my enforcement of our school's uniform policy showed me where I was wrong. Being the parent of a daughter has solidified my learning and readied me for this work. 

Our schools should not be implementing dress codes. For those clutching at their pearls at seeing bare thighs, shoulders, and midriffs, for those thinking dress codes to help our girls understand "appropriate" attire, these policies are ultimately about the male gaze. These policies sexualize and objectify our girls and young women. And in addition to these "too tight, too short" aspects of dress codes targeting mostly girls, there are also the too-baggy, too-saggy pants policies and earrings-can't-be-hoops-larger-than-a-quarter polities that target our Black and Brown students. 

I've thought about complying, about ordering longer shorts and telling my girl to just go along with it. But our girls will be taught to comply with systems for the rest of their lives, and this policy is wrong. We are going to fight it. Let's get rid of dress codes and free our teachers and administrators from enforcing sexist and racist dress codes. Let's model not talking about kids' bodies at school and body-shaming should not come from our schools. 

Kiara's first-day-of-school shirt urged "Open Heart, Open Mind." I hope her school will soon approach all students with this same attitude. Let's promote a body-positive culture so don't have to give my girl this affirmation on the drive home. "There's nothing wrong with you. There is something wrong with the policy."